Another Stinker at the Box Office

Noah -


I did not like this movie. The problem: Everything.


Russell Crow played the title character Noah. He was chosen by God to save humanity and the animals. I thought I would be cheering him on throughout the entire film. I did not. In fact, the only people worth saving in this movie were the children. And even then I’m not so sure.


This movie served only to remind us (the paying customers) that buried deep inside the soul of humanity is a need to survive. We are nothing but lies, greed, lust and revenge. And that is all.




C

Everything Is Awesome

The Lego Movie -


I LOVE Lego’s. I love that they kept me busy as a child and I loved that my lego’s allowed me to explore my inner creative self without ridicule from my peers growing up. I just really fucking love Lego’s.


Sure, the movie was mesmerizing and I was captivated by the many Lego innovations (the ocean, shower bubbles, for example), but something was missing. Something about this movie seemed “safe”. The Lego world that was created for the movie was extensive and carefully calculated, but the “creative and the imaginary - the flair” was missing. There was too much emphasis on “real life” and not enough emphasis on the magic that I believe is at the core center of the Lego brand. The magic people. The fucking magic - bring me to a world I’ve never seen before. That’s all I ask.

B-

Bloody Fantastic

Vampire Academy -


It’s true. I still prefer young adult fiction in any of today’s modern storytelling genre’s (television, literature, film) to any of the modern adult-driven alternatives; Captain Phillips or Dallas Buyers Club. Vampire Academy is a prime example.


Rose is half human/half vampire (Dhampir). She is a guardian of the Moroi - a mortal vampire that lives peacefully among humans. Rose’s legacy is to protect one particular Moroi (Princess Vasilisa Dragomir) from the Strigoi - a bloodthirsty, immortal vampire. This is 1/6 of her story. Vampire Academy is a 6 part book series.  I don’t think book 2 (Frostbite) will ever make it’s way into theaters - Vampire Academy BOMBED at the box-office. But still - I LOVED IT!!


I liked the storytelling element.
I liked the narration.
I loved Lucy Fry (Princess Vasilisa Dragomir).
I thought the story was intriguing.
I thought the parallels to the modern day education system were extremely accurate.


This movie was fun. I might just have to check out the book series now.  Never mind. That’s definitely not going to happen.

B

Holly Lantern

Yellow. I remember the canary yellow color of the house. It complimented the lush green lawn that dad spent hours grooming. Oh man, did I hate raking leaves and shoveling snow. I did enjoy corralling the neighborhood kids for large games of tag and/or various sport-like events.  I was always kind of a leader in that respect.  You had to walk up ten stone crafted steps to get to the front door of my childhood home at 22 Lantern Lane.  Holly, my very faithful miniature poodle would always meet you at the door, whelping, tail wagging.  She usually sat watch on my mother’s "expensive" couch (which nobody ever sat on) that lay parallel to the oversized window that's so synonymous with older ranch style homes.  Wait; was my childhood home even a ranch?  I can hear Holly barking now.  The entrance to my childhood home was not grand by any measure, but it served its purpose; there was a closet to hang coats, a large mirror to wink at, and enough space to greet even the largest of families. Looking left when entering the house revealed a polished living room. "Don’t you dare LOOK at me," it would shout angrily when anyone looked in its direction. The only warming feature in the room was the fireplace which I don't remember us ever using. There were pictures too; lots of family pictures.  The entrance hallway was at least 5 or 6 lengthy footsteps, leading straight into the kitchen; the brown kitchen. Brown cabinets, brown table, brown chairs, brown everything. I even think the refrigerator was brown, or just really off white. The only real good thing about the kitchen, besides the sound of bacon sizzling on the stove every Sunday morning, was the back door that led to the deck and the lush green backyard. That door made so much noise when it opened and closed.  That back door reminds me of my childhood. The forgetful kitchen was also attached to the dining room, which was only used during holidays, along with mom’s expensive dinnerware and the stuff that was stored in her wood/glass-combination-hutch that nobody ever touched. My favorite thing about the dining room was the floor to ceiling windows.   They had an extra special relationship with the sun. Everything was always so bright. That room always made me so happy, especially on Sunday mornings when I would build Lego animals from early sunrise until mom and dad would feed me my breakfast. There was also a tiny TV room connected to the dining room that used to be a screened in porch. It was rarely used before its transformation, except for when I wanted my pet birds to get some proper exercise. Even then, I spent more time cleaning up poop than I did training those poor budgerigars.  The upstairs TV room (there was a TV room downstairs too) became my mom and dads own little escape, where they could avoid the constant struggle that was 4 children, 10 years apart from oldest to youngest, living in a 3 bedroom house.  It was pretty much the only place they got any peace and quiet.  On the right hand side of the entrance hallway (after the mirror and the coat closet) was a connecting hallway leading to 3 bedrooms, a bathroom, a linen closet, and a set of stairs leading downstairs. There was also a rope hanging from the ceiling at the far end of the house that when pulled exposed a set of ancient wooden stairs that we could climb to get to the attic. Nobody ever went into the attic.  The upstairs bathroom was where I took my baths.  I took a lot of baths growing up.  The bathroom was one of the only places I could be alone.  The 3 bedrooms were small.  One was my parents, one was my sisters and the largest room in the house was my youngest brother, Matthew’s.  I was in the basement, with my other younger brother (by 2 years), Chris. There were 13 carpeted stairs that brought visitors to a second bedroom, a TV room, a computer corner, a bathroom and a laundry room.  This was also the only way to get into the two car garage where dads Triumph sat untouched.  The only windows in the basement (all 3 that I remember) were very small and very narrow making it very easy to sleep in the basement, and watch hours of mindless television, and play on the computer which sat on a long desk in the corner of the TV room.  I wonder if the lack of light in the basement of my childhood home contributed to my angst-driven teen years. Or perhaps it was the constant flooding.  Seriously, if I wasn’t outside raking leaves into bags, or in the driveway hurling snow over an 8-foot wall, I was in the basement moving furniture and sucking water from the corners of the giant cement-foundation-box that was my home.










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